November 11, 2010 a world full of people

I'm sure we've all heard, read or listened to friend at one time or another express this heartfelt comment, "I'm in a room full of people and feel so all alone." As much as I've tried to have empathy for someone experiencing that, I never truly understood that phrase until I personally experienced this just the other night.
I've been feeling a little lonely for about 3 months -my phone doesn't ring from family or friends, I receive few texts and few posts on my FB page, so this has been a feeling that's been escalating for a few months, but it has been heightened to a new level. After not talking to anyone all day and kind of closing myself in my own apartment- numbing my thoughts by watching movies, I decided to venture out by going to play bingo with my significant other. Finally for the first time in 24 hours, I had someone to talk to and who better than my significant other, right? So, I started sharing my thoughts and feelings about one particular situation that had been weighing heavy on my heart over the course of the last few months and it felt so freeing as I was letting it out. But when I was finished, he simply nodded his head and excused himself to go to the bathroom. As I sat there with my heart wide open and raw, just hanging in the air for someone to hear and care for it, I looked around the bingo hall, full of hundreds of people and I felt so alone, like I'd never experienced before. I wanted to cry in anguish and disappointment, thinking to myself: Why am I not worthy to be loved or cared for? Why am I all alone in this world full of so many people? But I fought back the tears, grabbed a piece of scratch paper and started scribbling my thoughts and hurts to prevent me from crying. At that moment, I could relate to the people who've expressed their anguish throughout the years with "I'm in a room full of people and feel so all alone." Although, it was a painful, lonely, hurtful feeling it's given me a new appreciation for those who've expressed this feeling. And more importantly, it teaches me that we cannot rely on man to fill our needs or hear our hurts in the way we need to be, God is the only one who can truly listen and heal in the way we need to be, so I'll be taking my disappointments, loneliness, hurts and feelings to Him. Lord, I ask that all people who feel this deep loneliness will come to you and will find that there really not all alone- You're there!

Discovery:  Lonely in a world full of people
Becoming:  Understanding of others

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