March 28, 2013


Thankfully, my relationship with God isn’t solely based on how well my church feeds me otherwise I’d be completely empty. 3 years and not any closer of being part of my local church, although I’ve given it my best attempt by attending bible studies, serving  the hungry on Thanksgiving, going on a mission trip to Joplin, signing up to be on a ministry team, pounding nails at the new youth facility, etc. Yet I’m no closer relationally to anyone who attends the church. Nobody notices if I’m gone. Nobody is excited to see me when I enter. Nobody calls me back when I sign up for things. Nobody responds to prayer requests thrown in the plate.  I am human. I am relational. I (we) are called to serve other people, yet also to be served.

I am frustrated at today’s church. Unfortunately, it doesn’t just affect me; my son was a youth when we began attending and nobody took him under his wing to try and encourage his attendance or participation in youth activities. My daughter is now a youth and history is repeating itself. I have a friend who came to know the Lord at this church and now he sits in jail facing a lot of time. I’m certainly not blaming this (or any other) church for the choices these people have made, but it does pose a valid question…..Where is the church?”

Fortunately/unfortunately I don’t fit the typical church lady and I have a hard time fitting in with them. I didn’t grow up in a Christian home, I smoked, did drugs, had sex outside of marriage, had kids at a young age, been divorced, raised two kids on my own, been homeless, etc. I don’t regret any of that. I’m not sorry about any of that. I’m actually quite thankful that God has brought me through all that and now I’m supposed to use that to reach others; not sit on it, forget it, or deny it ever happened. Why would we do that? It’s glorifying God and showing others that if He can redeem me of my dirty past, then certainly He can yours. So, I ask myself “Is it because I’m not the ’typical church lady’ that I’m not being included at church?”

I’m called to help the homeless, to serve those in prison, to be a prayer warrior. I feel it in my bones. I can relate to people who are down and out.  I can remember what it was like to not believe in God. Why am I having such a hard time serving, fitting in or being included in my church? To be honest, at this point, I’m not too concerned with the why. I reflect on the last 3 years and the impact (both spiritually and emotionally) the church has had on me and although the sermons can be moving and relatable, I have to admit it’s been stale. It’s time to add some water to this mold of clay and get back on the wheel to stir things up. Time for a change of scenery. Sad thing is nobody will even miss my attendance, so again I ask…..”Where is the church?”

Disclaimer: I know this can be a controversial subject and that’s not my point, I’m simply sharing my personal struggle and thoughts. My intention is not to blame any particular church either.  I also understand that the church is not perfect because it’s filled with humans who are not perfect ;)

DISCOVERING: churches aren't perfect 
BECOMING: Moldable

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