April 5, 2013

You’ve lost your sparkle

My first day of feeling emotionally okay to face the world and then someone touches my arm and says, “You’ve lost your sparkle. Are you okay?”

Like everyone else walking the face of this earth, I’ve been hit with the hammer of real life troubles my entire life (abuse, rejection, betrayal, divorce, addiction, homeless, single parenting, etc.) but nothing prepared me for this hammer blow. There are no words to describe how my heart feels therefore it’s coming out in tears. There are so many people it affects and the gift (ha!) of empathy that Christ has given me can sometimes be too much to bear b/c I not only feel my heart, but I can feel what others are going through.  

The pain is unbearable and has interrupted my everyday life. My thoughts, my words, my feelings, my responsibilities, my actions. I will never be the same as I was before, nor will my family members. I don’t say this as a pity plea. I say it to be real and to shed light on something dark. There is freedom in truth. 

Not being the same again isn’t so bad.  I’ve been moved. Shifted in a way that has allowed me to know and see the truth. Shifted in a way that opens my eyes to the vulnerability of life, of making every moment count, of being aware, making time to truly listen when someone talks, clinging closer to the cross.
Although, this tragic event has happened to my family, I have much to be thankful for…..that it wasn’t worse than it was, that I was the one to take the call, that everyone can now receive healing and forgiveness, it explains behaviors and choices, realized I’m surrounded with more people than I knew that care about me, closer to Christ through all this.

In spite of what the devil wants to use to break us down, he’s sadly mistaken. The only reason we’re on our knees is because we’re praying to our Mighty God, not falling apart. By relying on THE ROCK I've been able to get through all the other hammer blows in life and this is no different. Together, we’re standing on the battle lines fully armored to fight for healing and salvation of those affected. And it’s quite okay to lose your sparkle because it’s only temporary.

BECOMING: Stronger and more sparkly

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