In order for something to be cleaned ‘up/out’ it usually
entails making a bigger mess than what you began with.
For instance, I’ve been cleaning out my bedroom closet because for the last year or so I’ve just been dumping items on the dresser, shelves and even on the floor. It got to the point of not being able to see the top of my dresser, receipts were getting mixed up with family photos and just the overall feeling of being unorganized was really starting to bug me. So I decided it was time to dig in and do some spring cleaning. It’s been weeks now and my piled messes have overflowed from the closet to my bedroom floor. I can only do a little at a time and I’m separating old receipts from new ones and photos stuck in between bank statements. Therefore, I have several piles for each thing stack I’m going through, and a throw away pile, as well as a shred the evidence pile.
I’ve noticed that as I began this ‘venture’ to organize my bedroom closet God has also been doing a ‘venture’ to prioritize my life.
As I celebrated Holy Week, I cried out to God, “Create something new within me, Lord. Let me see something new about you….about me. Things are dormant in my life. Easter isn’t as special as it once was and quite frankly, you aren’t either, Lord. Reveal yourself to me in a new way.” And whew, what a ride it has been since then. Just like my bedroom closet, in the process of cleaning up the sins and stagnancy of my life it’s created a bigger mess. Since I breathed those words to God just 4 short weeks ago I found out some horrific news about my precious daughter that is almost too much to bear; I came down with an infection; I’ve been grieving the emotional wayward/loss of my nephew, which has left me angry, sad and empathetic; I broke up with my boyfriend, my best friend of numerous years has kicked me to the curb, my boss and I had our first misunderstanding, I received the cold shoulder from a co-worker who is also a dear friend, the possibility of a new position and even a move has come up, and I’ve felt led to start attending a new church. I’m exhausted and filled with mixed emotions just writing all that out.
Although, it’s been a struggle the last few weeks I think it’s an answer to my prayer. I have been refreshed spiritually because of all the above and I’ve had to cling to Him like I never have before, to sometimes even get out of bed or to face people; whereas before I was self-reliant, independent and even a little prideful. Like cleaning the dresser off, God has separated things into piles of throw it away, shred it, place in your memorabilia box or file it. The cleaning out process is never easy. It’s been a progression of relying on Christ to clean out the junk in my life, to get rid of the sin and start with a clean dresser top, then move to have clean shelves and after everything has fallen, sweep up the mess on the closet floor. It’s been hard to swallow truths about things that have happened….it’s been tough not to want to take revenge….it’s been most difficult to accept and truly repent of sins I didn’t even realize I had….it’s been a struggle to forgive others….and it’s been a challenge to say yes when God says no. It’s just been plain hard!